I was looking back over some of my journal entries from the beginning of shelter in. Things I was hoping and praying for. Things about Covid-19 I thought I understood based on the information I had at the time. Ideas I had about the right way to quarantine and what I thought would keep us safe. Ideas on how we were going to all weather the storm. Plans for how I could contain the painful parts and hold on to the joyous parts. I think I thought if I could just compartmentalize the problems and get a schedule and a plan in place, I could protect my tribe. And then things changed. (I’m not a fan of change, because it means uncertainty) And changed. (Wait I just got used to that last change.) Oh and they changed again. (wait again? Ok I’m trying to be adaptable, but I’m feeling really unsettled) and they continue to change. (I just want to feel peaceful for a few days- is that too much to ask?)
The thing is even before Covid-19 life was full of changes. Its just that they were not all happening at once, and on a global scale. Covid-19 is an opportunity for me, like it or not, to reprogram my response to change. What if instead of CHANGE= uncertainty, cue fear and that familiar unsettled feeling in my stomach, CHANGE = curiosity and growth and endless possibility?
It is my choice, and is all about a shift in my perception. I am going to try use this time, while the future is still so unsure to practice shifting my natural avoidance of change, to curiosity. I am going to try to equate change with growth. And I am going to celebrate the adaptability, the spontinaity, and the patience that is surely being cultivated inside of me despite myself. If my prayers had been answered as I had asked for them to be back in early March, I would have missed out on the invaluable gifts this time has given me and our family. Thank you God for not giving into my importunate demands.#butterflybtc